Pride & Joy

As I am sitting here on the ground with my 3 year old son snuggled up with his blanket lying on my lap and typing with one hand very slowly, I can't help but smile and be filled with joy & thanks.  Cruz is hands down the best thing I've done in my life thus far.  He is definitely my pride & joy.  Having a child has swelled my heart with so much love.  Cruz holds the power to completely wipe the long work day slate clean and makes me forget any worries I have the very instant I see him. 

Tonight we had gymnastics and it was in those simple 30 minutes that I had one of those deeply appreciative moments.  Watching him play, giggle & learn something new made my heart smile.  It excites me to no end to think about watching him grow and participate in sports.  I will probably be that super loud (maybe slightly annoying) mother cheering him on, running down the sidelines "with" him, dragging around my camera bag/lenses/tripod and I will have no shame while doing so.

This summer marks the very beginning of watching him learn and grow into the little athlete & person I know he is meant to be. There might be tears shed, scrapped knees to bandage & kisses given to make it all better, but in order to achieve greatness... there is always a bump or two along the way. Here is to many more years of excitement, cheering, pride & joy in whatever my little one decides to do! 

xoxo

bj

check out the rest of the photos I took from gymnastic classes on my B.J. Photos page

Driven

Have you ever wanted something so bad that you just cannot accept no for an answer?  You end up pushing yourself to the brink in order to achieve that dream you've been chasing.  You almost feel desperation to reach that dream at any cost.  It can drive you crazy, cause you to spend way too much money & ruin relationships that you have with people.  Being a driven person has pros and cons.  I personally feel that the pros outweigh the cons in most cases.

Some people are born extremely driven individuals.  I would consider myself to be one of those people.  As long as I can remember, I have always had this spark inside of me that made me want more, be/do better and pushed me to my limits.  My friends joke with me that when I make up my mind on something and I decide to pursue it, I attack it at 100 mph.  There is no in between for me.  I would have to agree with those friends.  I am truly passionate about the things I want to achieve and will try my hardest during the pursuit of obtaining them.  I have the type of personality in which I could never sit back and let life slide by while simply existing. 

I find it so hard to watch people around me who have zero determination to achieve anything in life.  There is a difference in being content with your life and just being down right lazy. With how I view the world I believe that making the most out of your experience on earth is based around continually making yourself better or making someone else's life better.  You can disagree or fight & argue with me about your viewpoint but it still will not change the pure fact of how I feel.  I don't see how it can be beneficial to coast through life, live off of others' money, be unhealthy, make poor decisions, be rude or unkind and not contribute one thing to society.  You don't have to be famous, be a millionaire, or any other higher profile individual to make some sort of impact.  Just plainly do something out of the goodness of your heart.  Volunteer, donate, help others in need, hold the door open for someone...doing something so simple can bring a little more brightness into another person's world.  I am so tired of people being selfish, playing the victim, creating drama and taking zero initiative to make their lives better.  You are the soul person responsible for how you feel and view the world so if you don't like your current situation, change it!

I am a true believer in you get what you give.  I want to go through this life and know that I did everything possible to live it to the fullest.  I do not want to be an aged white haired woman who wished she would have done more when her body was able.  I want to be remembered as a woman that was determined, strong, appreciative, kind hearted, loving & giving.  I want to look back and think: "Man, I had one hell of a life!" 

Ultimately, we all choose our own paths to walk down.  I have made the commitment to myself to make the most memorable life I can.  So, am I driven?  Yes.  I am driven to succeed, be happy, live fully, be accomplished, make memories, make an impact, be remembered & flourish in the little time that we do have.

peace & love

bj

Live simply, care deeply, speak kindly, love generously, and leave the rest to God.

Doctor Visits

It is that time of the year again...time for your annual doctor visit & check-up.  I've dealt with my fair share of awkward moments during these visits.  I am well aware of the fact that they are very different depending on if you are a male or female, but both can cause some embarrassment.  This post is going to be based around female doctor visits since; well, I'm a girl and those are the only ones I've had the pleasure of experiencing.

I had a really bad experience about 6 years ago when I had to go in for my annual pap smear & breast exam.  I was fairly new to town and didn't have a regular gynecologist so I took the first appointment that I could get.  Let me share with you what transpired during that visit and how my one mistake of not requesting a female gyno comes back to haunt me.

I get there, strip down, put on the tissue paper thin gown and hover my butt ever so slightly above the cold hard vinyl exam table for fear of shooting through the roof from the freezing cold surface.  I slowly sink my weight towards it when, KNOCK, KNOCK...in comes the doc and with the position of the table to the door, I'm fairly certain he got a full moon since I didn't have enough time to arrange my gown and cover my rear.  Awesome, I have successfully tallied up one embarrassment for myself and my exam hasn't even started.  I try to move past the moment quickly and act like it didn't happen.  He takes his regular checks on my heart, lungs, throat, ears & eyes.  He asks me the standard set of questions in a very monotone voice.  I think to myself, "Isn't this guy a pleasure to converse with!"  After he completes those, I know the drill. 

Onto the exam table I go.  Time to saddle up and get those feet in the stirrups.  I scoot my butt down to the edge.  Apparently I didn't scoot down far enough because the doc tells me to come down some more, so I do.  I still didn't satisfy him because he says to come down even further.  At this point I'm thinking, "If I scoot any further, I'm going to be sitting on your face dude!  I barely have a 1/2" of  my ass on the table!"  So now that I am at the point that he needs me to be at, we get to the weird shit.  He does some poking and prodding all over the place that tenses me up and has me hoping he is quick about his work.  I am so totally wrong in thinking this male doctor will get the exam done within a couple of minutes!  I felt like the amount of time he was "checking" stuff out was far more than adequate!  Perhaps, I should have posted a sign down there that said NO loitering?!?!  In the long amount of time he was down there, he made small talk and asked me about track.  Um, excuse me?  I feel zero need to chitchat with you while your face is 2 inches from my vagina!  I don't need you to make me feel like we are old friends that are sitting around talking over a cup of coffee.  Take the swabs you need to send to the labs and send me on my merry way! 

Here is another weird, uncomfortable and icky (yes, I used the word icky!) part.  This doc has a GIGANTIC mustache!  Seriously, Mario & Luigi would have been jealous of this guys' massive stache!  Now, I don't have anything against a man having a mustache but when that mustache swipes the inside of my thigh while he is performing a pap smear, then I have a problem with it.  I also didn't appreciate that when he was making small talk with me, I could feel his hot breathe hitting my skin.  Gross, yuck, icky and everything above.  That was so unpleasant.

The breast exam part goes pretty fast for me since all he has to do are a couple of circle around my small, flat boobies.  No lumps, perfect!  Although, his down fall there was looking me directly in the eyes and talking.  Just do your doctor thing and don't talk to me please.

Now that I've shared a couple of not-so-fun events from one gyno visit, I got to thinking about some scenarios that could happen that are embarrassing for you and the doctor too!  Here we go:

1| Have you ever had to or wanted to fart while they are down there?  OMG!  I would die but I think it would be the most hilarious thing, ever!

2| Have you gone into the same doctor and had them not remember you until they are looking at your downstairs and all of the sudden they say, "Ah, now I remember you!"  Say what!?!?  Is there something down there that triggered your memory?  I feel weird now.

3| Have you run into your gyno at the grocery store and have that weird & awkward moment that you don't know what to say to them or talk about?

4| Have you ever had them try to use a certain size speculum and have to get a bigger one?  Like the big bertha model?  This hasn't happened to me but if it ever did, I would not feel very good about it.

Although getting a pap smear & breast exam can be uncomfortable, embarrassing and downright unpleasant; I have to stress the importance of getting them done annually.  I would much rather experience the things I discussed in this post than deal with the consequences of finding out something is wrong.  It is worth it to me to be happy and healthy over scared and embarrssed.  Ladies, I encourage you all to perform self breast checks and keep your pap smears updated.  You never know when one might save your life.

peace & love

bj