Here it is...part deuce, the sequel, encore if you will to my original post about child birth! After I published my post last night, I started to think of more things that I forgot! I also got help from a couple of lovely ladies who shared with me a thing or two that they experienced. I hope you all enjoy this one as much as the first one.
1 | Let's just start off with the entire reason I had to do a second post...memory loss. I became extremely forgetful during my pregnancy and it didn't get much better after I gave birth either. I like to think of it like this: I gave 1/2 of my brain to my child. Actually, I'm going to restate that...the lil' shit stole it! It is unbelievable how bad my memory has gotten.
2 | Some women have long strenuous labors. We are talking hours of active labor people...continuous pushing & breathing. Ouch. I am exhausted thinking about it. I was lucky and had a pretty standard text book delivery that went quick but I've had some girlfriends go through hell and back with theirs! One lady shared with me the fact that she pushed so hard that she burst blood vessels in both eyes and it looked really creepy for 3 weeks. Seriously, someone give those women an Olympic medal or something.
3 | By all means ladies, when the doctor asks you if you'd like to place a mirror at the foot of your bed so you can watch, you say NO! I did not use one and I can't imagine what it would have been like if I did. I honestly didn't need to see the miracle of birth when it was happening. I have daily reminders from the marks it left on my body so I'm good. I would think the mirror would either A.) Scare the shit out of you or B.) nope there is no b, it would scare the shit out of me!
4 | If you were in the delivery room with me and heard the noises I made while I pushed, you would have thought you were at Sea World because I sounded like a frickin' dolphin. I shit you not, ask my sister. I am slightly embarrassed by this but I was pushing so damn hard that the air that escaped while I pushed came out sounding like a marine mammal. I can make the sound perfectly to this day so if you run into me, ask me to make it so you can truly appreciate the goofiness of it!
5 | To take the epidural or not - this is totally a personal preference. I went into it thinking that if I could handle the pain, then I would go for an all natural & pain medicine free delivery. Um, I guess I gave myself more credit than I should have because I screamed for the epidural like a crack whore who needed her fix. I got to 5 centimeters (1/2 fully dilated) and begged to get the anesthesiologist stat! I decided I didn't need to be anyone's hero that day and we live in the age of modern medicine so I am not ashamed to say I took the drugs. Anyone that wants to judge me can but then I'm going to beat the shit out of their uterus and vagina and see if they want something to make them feel better. Yes, I pussed out but I'm OK with it.
6 | You will be a little overwhelmed by the number of people that are actually in the delivery room. If you think you are going to have a nice little intimate delivery, you are mistaken. As I recall, there was a total of 4 different nurses & 2 doctors that were coming in and out of my room while I was spread eagle for everyone to see my stuff. I felt like I should have at least gotten paid for the admittance into my room so I could have made a little money off of me showing it all. Oh well.
7 | Take all the helping hands you can get. This is especially useful when you & baby are trying to learn how to breastfeed. I felt like I didn't have enough hands to do it all! The nurses are wonderful with this. I was a bit taken back in the beginning when nurses that I didn't know at all would just whole handily grab my boob and position it for Cruz to latch onto. You get over having strangers grab your boobs to help you with breastfeeding. You actually will miss it when you get home! Like I said in my first post, breastfeeding can be very difficult for some woman. My mother stayed with me for the first few days home and I got to the point where I asked her to help me. I cried a lot over breastfeeding. I wasn't happy, Cruz wasn't happy so I eventually switched to pumping and we got the best of both worlds!
8 | You will have never loved a water bottle more than after you give birth! If you stretch, tear or rip you will experience stinging & burning unlike ever before! Seriously, you will probably cry the first couple of times you have to pee. You might even dread it so badly that you hold your pee to the point of involuntarily peeing your pants and that is just bad all around. Dousing your vagina with 1/2 gallon of cool water will help calm the stinging & burning while you tinkle. This will last for the first week or two. Trust me, it does get better even though you won't feel like it will! Witch hazel wipes, preparation H & ice are also great assistants in fighting the worse vaginal pain you will ever feel, unless you gave birth naturally & pain medicine free, then it is the 2nd worst giner pain ever.
9 | Let's talk poop. You are going to want to take extreme care with the first poop you have after baby is born. This will be like giving birth to a second child. You can approach it one of two ways. I compare them to a band-aid removal. You can A.) do it fast so the pain is strong but over with quickly or B.) take it slowly and cautiously. Either way...pooping hurts bad!
10 | Taking pictures immediately after you've given birth is a bad idea! Take as many of the baby as you want but if you get my face in one, I will run after you to break your damn camera because I don't want any evidence existing of how shitty I looked! I did let my mom & sister take photos of me with Cruz but I absolutely cringe when I see them. I literally just got finished pushing the equivalent of an 8 lbs. Christmas ham out of my vagina and I look tired, bloated, stressed, fat and just all around a hot mess! I guess the good thing about having them is it reminds me of how much I NEVER want to look like that ever again. Yikes.
I find it entertaining how much other people feel their opinion of me having another child is somehow going to help me decide on actually getting pregnant again and having a second one. I get where family members are coming from...we all love little babies at family functions but for my friends that have not had a child, I would like to tell them to have one themselves and go through all the things I've listed in my first post & this one and then tell me to have another. I'm sure they may be more apt to bite their tongue after experiencing it firsthand! Maybe someday a second child will come along...maybe 😉.
xoxo
bj
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