The Bitch Inside My Head

The title of this post is exactly what this lovely little rant is about!  I would say that 95% of the time I am pretty nice, non-judgemental & positive but then there are times that I do have the bitch inside my head speaking freely to me.

Have you ever found yourself sitting at your computer and overhear someone say something or see someones status update on Facebook and you begin to think some fairly judgemental thoughts?  Maybe it is just human to think this way.  It is harmless and pretty entertaining the things that we think.  I will admit that I am just as sallow, judgemental, cynical and bitchy as the rest of you!  If you claim that you don't ever think this way, well...you're lying.

I wanted to lay out some situations and give you what the bitch inside my head says and/or thinks of that particular situation: ENJOY!

• A larger individual says to you: "You're so lucky that you are small & skinny because you get to wear cute clothes."  Bitch in my head response: " Maybe you should motivate your fat ass enough to get off the couch and get in shape so you can wear cute clothes too?!?!"
• Someones Facebook status update reads something like this: "I'm so deeply in love, my life is perfect, I'm so lucky & happy, he/she is the best thing in my life...blah, blah, blah."  Bitch in my head response: " PUKE."
• Facebook status updates every hour or two = you have NO life and/or you are seeking to get attention too much!
• Overhearing someone say: "I can't decide if I should get ____ or _____ (shitty/fatty food) to eat.  Bitch response: "You should probably skip that entire thought and go straight to a head of lettuce and then maybe run 6 miles."
• Being asked if an outfit is cute.  Bitch in my head: "No, no it's not."
• Seeing someone at the gym wearing spandex that shouldn't.  What I'm thinking: "WTF!"
• While shopping, you go to grab a shirt and someone else takes it literally right in front of you!  The voice in my head: "Seriously, I will cut you!"
• Getting cut off while driving.  Bitch response: "AHHH you F******!  I will run you down and ride your ass the entire drive you are ahead of me and then I will proceed to flip you the bird."
• Watching any reality TV show.  The bitch response: " OMG, these people are so stupid.  I sure hope they don't breed because the world is just going to become even more stupid."
• When someone tells you that they would workout if they only had enough time.  Bitch in my head: " I'm sure you could find enough time if you'd stop living every second of your life on Facebook, stop eating Twinkies while laying on the couch and watching Real Housewives marathon and various other unproductive activities."

I do encounter numerous other situations that set off the bitch inside of my head.  I think what gets me going the most has to do with people's laziness and stupidity.  I'm really not a bad person for thinking these things because I don't act upon them and actually tell people these things but they do lend me a bit of humor thinking back on them.