Valentine's Day Gifts That Would Suck To Receive

Val·en·tine's Day or Val·en·tines Day  (vln-tnz)

 Noun 1. Valentine's Day- a day for the exchange of tokens of affection

(It is traditionally a day on which lovers express their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery, and sending greeting cards)

Now that I've provided a brief definition of what Valentine's Day is, let's cover the gifts that should not be given on this day.  If you receive one of the following you should dump that guy's ass ASAP!

• An oil change
• Stuffed animal (those are for children)
• A poke on Facebook
• A poke that leads to a rash (kick him out of your car and go to the doctor immediately!)
• Nothing...this is a sign of a guy that is either stupid or lazy or both
• Gym membership
• Divorce papers (OUCH!)
• Those cutlet bra inserts that make you lot bigger than you actually are
• The book or DVD of "He's Just Not That Into You"
• Any type of appliance (unless you specifically approve this purchase before hand)
• Cheap wine
• Fake flowers (the guy that gives these is just plain stupid)
• Any gift from a gas station (white trash anyone?)
• Love coupon book (I will not be performing or receiving sexual favors via coupons)
• Lingerie that is over the top (leave those purchases up to us)
• Cheesy heart shaped jewelry in bright kid colors
• A bathroom scale
• Anything weight loss related (we can admit if we need to lose weight but if you suggest it you will soon find your balls in your throat)
• Suggest taking your relationship to the next level...a three-some (never ever OK)
• Hair removal appointments
• Avon old lady perfume roll-on stick
• Cooking classes (it would be OK if it were for both of you but if it's just for her = not cool)
• Sex for Dummies book (WTF!)
• Free hug coupons (I will take a free hug whenever I want you dick... spend a little money)
• A note in a jewelry box saying if you had enough money there would be an engagement ring instead of this cheap ass piece of jewelry you picked up for $20.
• Self-help book(s)
• A tattoo of your name (never a good idea)

Glad that we've covered this...best of luck with your Valentine's Day this year!