SO Happy To Annouce...

Today marks a very special day for our family.  This is a day that is filled with happiness, joy, excitement and thanks.  I am so incredibly proud to announce that Brant’s adoption of Cruz is final!  Brant is finally the legal father of Cruz Carter Johnson.

This may come as a surprise to most of you as we didn’t tell a lot of people that we were pursuing it.  We started the actual process 5 months ago but have been considering it for a year and a half now.  We’ve endured several attorney meetings, a pile of paperwork, home visits, background checks, financial evaluations, reference checks, extensive medical & genetic background forms, more paperwork, psychological evaluations, court hearings, giving testimonies, a case study, and the actual cost of the whole process.  We didn’t imagine that a step-parent adoption would entail so much “legal tape”.  It was a very enlightening experience to say the least.  We did not meet any resistance from Cruz’s biological father.  For that we were very blessed.  It made getting through the “legal tape” much easier than if we had to pursue a non-voluntary termination of parental rights followed by the step-parent adoption.

Having gone through this has prompted me to reflect on the past and has brought me peace.  I am truly humbled by where my life is and I am incredibly thankful for many things!  August of 2008 was a life changing month for me.  I couldn’t help but feel a huge amount of despair when I found out I was pregnant.  I was ashamed of myself.  I felt angry and sad.  I felt like I was going to be disappointing a lot of people.  I had disappointed myself and felt like a failure.  I didn’t know what I was going to do.  It was like I had spiraled deep down into a black hole with no sight of escape or salvation around me.  I told my sister first…she cried with me; reassured me that I was going to be OK and that she would be there for me through it all.  Telling my parents was the hardest thing I think I’ve ever had to do.  Despite feeling like the world was crashing down on me, my parents looked me straight in the eyes and said, “We love you and will be there for you.”  They didn’t pass judgment, didn’t yell, didn’t make me feel like a failure…they were there as my biggest supporters.

Through my pregnancy I learned a lot about myself but I also discovered who my truest friends were.  Some people started rumors, others talked shit and many passed judgment.  They thought I had ruined my life, ruined my track career and ruined my future.  At the time I needed my friends the most, few were left.  It was disheartening.  It is amazing how fake people can be to your face.  It was truly a very hard and hurtful time.  I needed friends to hold me up when I couldn’t stand on my own and there I was, alone.  To those individuals who left me behind and talked badly about me I say: Cruz was the best damn “mistake” that ever “ruined” my life!  He is my heart and soul.  He fills me with so much happiness.  His smile can cure anything.  I can’t help but smile when I hear his little voice say, “I love you mommy” or when he has those deep belly laughs.  I consider Cruz the biggest accomplishment of my entire life.  My life would be so dull and boring without him in it.  Hands down I wouldn’t do anything different if I had the chance!

For those couple of friends who did stick by my side and not once said anything bad or negative about me: THANK YOU!  You know who you are.  To my sister who was my rock, who provided a house for me to live in, who cradled me while I sobbed, who held my hand as I gave birth: THANK YOU!  To my parents and three brothers for their unconditional love, support and understanding: THANK YOU!  But most of all I want to thank my husband Brant.  He became a father when he didn’t have to be.  He loved and cared for Cruz from the very beginning.  We rarely went on a date that didn’t involve Cruz.  He loves that little boy more than you could ever imagine.  When he talks about Cruz his face lights up.  I don’t think there is any doubt in his mind that Cruz is, always has been and always will be his son.  The only thing that is missing is a couple of chromosomes, but what’s that anyways!?!?  So to Brant for everything he has done and brought to my life: THANK YOU!

Completing the adoption has been icing on the cake for me.  I have comfort in knowing that if I come to an untimely death, Cruz will stay with Brant and our families.  I am in a state of contentment with my past, present and future.  It has provided me with great life lessons.  I have become a stronger person because of it.  I am confident in the person I am and the life that I lead.  We will all encounter certain circumstances in our lives that will challenge and test us but it is how we face them and overcome those circumstances that build us into stronger individuals. 

I can assure anyone that fairytales do exist because I am living one.  My fairytale may not be like the ones that we’ve all read in books or seen in movies but my story, none the less, is a fairytale in my eyes.  Being happy hasn’t felt any better than this!  I hope that Brant and Cruz will always celebrate their adoption day every year because it is truly a special day between them.  We will always cherish this moment in our lives and look back at it with love and thankfulness in our hearts.  Thank you to our families and friends that have given us support during the adoption process.  Thanks to all of you that have taken the time to read this entire post; it was a long one!  I hope you have smiled and given thanks for your own lives and families because without family…we are nothing.

I want to leave you all with this saying:

“A father isn’t defined as the man who makes the child, but rather the man who extends his hands and time to help with the child’s raising and his heart to love the child through anything.  Blood doesn’t always make you a father.  Being a father comes from the heart.”

xoxo

bj